That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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