I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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