Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
