I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
