also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
