no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize