if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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