Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
