I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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