bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
