Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
