wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
