he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
