ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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