u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
