I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
