She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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