so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
