I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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