so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
