new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
