Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
