but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
