i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
