Me too!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
