There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
