Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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