I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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