This girl is more easily done than said...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
