This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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