After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
