There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
