Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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