Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
