So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
