I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
