I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
