yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
where does the pee come out of this thing
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
