she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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