i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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