i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize