you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
