i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
