I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
