Yo dont text me then not text me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
