That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
