Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
