What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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