Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
porn star boner night. come get it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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