peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
