come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
