Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
