Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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