i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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