dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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