I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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