That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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