If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
