oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
