Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
