actually, I'm a sock model
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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