What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
