and she was petting her beer can
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need water and some morals
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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