singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
