I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
