: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
