how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
