If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm both gender and math confused
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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