Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
