Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
