I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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