I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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