Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if only i could text you this smell
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i've created a new STD.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
