i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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