i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
