I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
