is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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