You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There are leaves in my underwear?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
