I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
