Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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