I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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