it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
