My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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