you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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