just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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