Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did i walk over a car last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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